So here it is - the day I leave on this big trip that I've been planning for nearly a year! All the time, planning & preparation, money and investment of myself spent over the last year have come down to today. I'm at the gate about to leave Orlando now, and I'm feeling a combination of excitement and anticipation, anxiety, gratitude, and even a trace of lonliness (as I will be by myself for quite a while) - it's anything but anti-climactic! :-)
The past few weeks have been challenging at work and I've been coming home with a feeling of exhaustion. Even up to my last day yesterday, I had so much in my brain that I felt as if I barely had time to incorporate where I'm going - I felt drained of my energy. In light of that, I've also been asking the Universe to keep me healthy up to today and through the trip - so lately I've been religiously taking my probiotics, my vitamins, and generally eating as best as I can. I feel good today :-)
It's funny that my dog can sense something is going on. Obviously she sees the unusual activity of my packing a large backpack with stuff, organizing, cleaning, getting things together, etc. She's seen this for the past couple of weeks, but today she has been sticking RIGHT next to me all day. I know that she knows - she is an amazing creature in that respect. What she lacks in basic logic she more than makes up for in an ability to read even the most subtle of energy shifts. I love her and will miss her dearly during my travels, but she is in good hands with my roommate... :-)
So why is this trip such a big deal to me? It goes deeper than the obvious reason of my planning it for so long. Many friends of mine tell me that it is a "heart opening" journey - one where I will not come back as the same person from when I left. I'm going solo, for one thing - for the most part, there is no one else to lean on or rely on in an extremely unfamiliar part of the world. I'm challenged to develop a new sense of self-confidence and self-worth - it almost becomes like a proving ground to show myself that I can do this, I can conquer any fear that might arise in my life. Many have counseled me on what I might experience in such an energetically charged place as India. I expect my emotions and reactions to life circumstances will be amplified there - sort of like, if I see something beautiful, it will be SO UNBELIEVABLY beautiful that I can't contain my emotion for it. If I see poverty, it will be the likes of which I have never seen, and I won't be removed from it, as it will be standing there, staring me in the face with no filter...
But the real jewel of the experience - to allow my heart to open towards all those experiences. To not become lost in them but allow myself to experience them fully with a sense of detachment from them. I feel as if, to this point in my life, I have had brief glimpses of that in daily experience and on the yoga mat. But then I return to my normal routine and daily rituals, and those insights tend to seem further and further away. Perhaps, through this trip, I can make a larger shift in my consciousness so that I create circumstances and surround myself with people whereto I can create those experiences more frequently...
Also, for anyone that knows me well, it is a chance for me to NOT incessantly plan, analyze and generally torture my brain with an itinerary. I've got a loose idea of where I'm going, and even booked some transportation within India, but I am explicitly leaving myself open to changing it - I want to be more flexible on this trip and go with the wind, so to speak...
So anyway, that is what I'm thinking about when I have around 1 1/2 hours left to departure. First stop - Munich, Germany to visit with some good friends this weekend! Will make another entry when I'm there...
Namaste :-)
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