Retreat days coming to an end....

Good morning once more, all you beautiful people. Sitting here, writing my blog, listening to the devotional chanting going on at the nearby Monastery (Goa is very Christian by nature, so many churches, etc. so I think there is a monastery nearby the retreat center, and we always hear them singing). Had a great breakfast again (porridge, fruit, yogurt, bread & jam, etc.) and some lovely times being spent on this retreat. I have so much fun with our little group of people that the hours and days fly by - I cannot believe it is already 10-Feb and I leave for Delhi on Saturday to start my journey in the North. I've been told that Goa (where I currently reside) is less of the "true India" than what is found in the North, as Goa is fully of hippy tourists, beaches, and a laid back attitude. Seriously it is really laid back here - everyone is so chill, no one rushes to do anything, no one is attached to a schedule or a date. It's great!

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Transformative Yoga Practices
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So now that I'm over my physical illness (prior blog entry), I have to say that my yoga practice has been really phenomenal over the past few days. That doesn't mean it has been easy - far from it, it has been very challenging. But once I am finished, I literally float out of the shala, back up the main pathway to the terrace, then to my room to shower and such. I've been working hard on Second Series Ashtanga, and Petri has been guiding me with a grace and gentleness that I sort of fall into. By design, Second Series has a tendancy to raise one's energy, and I have been noticing it lately - my hands and arms were shaking today when I looked at them, I was so charged. But even though you're charged, it's also physically exhausting - the intense backbending work in Kapotasana, all the arm balances in Karandavasana just to name a few. I did have to stop at one point and shed some tears, as it goes so deep into you that such releases are quite common among yogis. So I feel an intense sense of humility, vulnerability and eventually release while doing this practice...

Add to the fact that I've been incorporating pranayama (breath work) just prior to my final resting pose of Savasana, and I feel like I'm no longer a member of planet earth, I have been jettisoned somewhere else in the Universe. When I walk out of the shala, my vision is a little blurred, as I step down the stairs things seem fluid and in flux, it is the weirdest feeling. But I have this dreamy, drifty smile on my face all the while...

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German Bakery Dinner
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So this past Tuesday I finally scheduled a reunion with Verena and Ulla (my 2 German friends whom I met in Mumbai a few weeks ago - Gosh already a few weeks ago!!). We decided to meet at this place called German Bakery - a local joint that is very well known to all the residents and tourists. It is one of the most chilled out, relaxed places I have ever been. It was fantastic - the food, the people, the atmosphere, the chillout music playing in the background. Seriously, its the kind of place that is cozy and intimate and all you want to do is light up a joint and just chill the fuck out! LOL!!! Of course I did not do that, but other patrons were clearly partaking in that. Besides just me, Katja, Petra and Sarah came with me, and we all had the most amazing time. Here are some pictures:















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Another Visit to Anjuna Market
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Yesterday after practice, the ladies and I decided to go back to Anjuna Market to do some more shopping, then go to the beach (since it is ON the beach anyway). It was the same kind of thing - lots of touts and hawkers trying to get you to buy the cheap stuff, all of it the same. Kind of over that now, to be honest - just so frantic a place, shopkeepers literally jumping in your face asking if you want to buy. "Just look is free yeah?" Yes looking is free, right. There was one guy who was selling whips (and I think the Kama Sutra book to go with it!) and he kept whipping the whips right in front of the tourists. He got really close to me at one point and I jumped aside, as I thought he was going to get me! I didn't buy much but I did find this one really cool necklace from the Tibetan area - got an "Aum" necklace that suits me quite well, was only 100 rupees, so what is that - $2 USD? :-)

Eventually, we found the same shop where we got our Lassi drink last time, and partook in another Lassi / Samosa snack. Gotta say those Lassis are the best I've had in India so far - just fantastic, so fruity and so tasty! Later we made our way to the beach and found this really chill beach restaurant. Petra and I had some lunch while Katja and Sarah went for a swim in the ocean. The booths where you eat are like lounges - pillows everywhere, you just want to go to sleep in them, the breeze from the ocean feels so good, you are having some great Indian food and drink, and you just feel so relaxed! It was really nice. Here are some pics:






And here's a few other shots of the Market

















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Mind your Ears
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We made our way out of the beach shack and back to the main entrance where we looked for our taxi driver. For those that don't know, the typical thing we do at the retreat is book a taxi for an entire trip - take you to the destination, wait there for you, bring you back - 500 rupees? Very common and everybody does it. Normally the taxi drivers are very good at spotting you, but we couldn't find the guy for some reason, so we walked around the parking lot for a while looking for him...

Then, I experienced something extremely unpleasant - something I hope will never happen to me again for the rest of my life, I was so upset! A man walked up to me and started talking to me - at first I couldn't understand him but he kept pointing at my ears, as if to convey that I had some kind of bug or insect on my ear. So I was shooing it away from my ear, but he just shook his head and then GRABBED my ear. He grabbed my ear and stuck some sharp metallic object into my ear, rubbing it around. I was bewildered at first as to what was going on, it happened so fast. Sarah was with me and saw the whole thing. Then he took this metal stick out of my ear and tried to convince me that this "paste" was coming from the inside of my ear - as if my ear was infected and he cleaned it out for me. I realized what was happening, and I pushed him away, walking quickly back to the taxi driver (whom was eventually found by the others in the group while this ordeal was happening to me). I still didn't know what had happened and what was going on - I kept feeling like there was something stuck in my ear. I eventually got in the cab and we started driving back...

"What the hell WAS that???" I asked the girls.
"I don't know, it didn't look right though"

Then I realized what was going on - others at the retreat have encountered this scam before, but I was oblivious to it. Basically, they try to convince you that your ears are dirty and they cleaned it out for you and now you owe them money...

I was fucking PISSED!!! It's one thing to learn how to deal with extreme poverty, with children coming up and grabbing your arm asking for money, people constantly touching you, jumping in your face, etc. Ok ok, I guess I can deal with that. But this - this is a whole other level. This guy stuck a foreign object that has been God knows where into my EAR - and it wasn't just the surface, it felt like he was going deep. He could have fractured my ear drum, I could have gotten a nasty infection. Besides that, it is one of THE MOST invasive things anyone has ever done to me. Petra tried to calm me down and told me to just let it go, I was fine, nothing was going to happen. Eventually I did, but it took me a couple of hours, I was so upset. Just try to do something like that anywhere in the West, Europe or the U.S. Hell if it was in the U.S. that guy would have his ass handed to him...

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Dinner at Greek Restaurant
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We made our way back to the retreat where I showered, got myself composed and changed, and then went right back out to this nice little Greek restaurant that is literally on the beach, perched high on a cliff. The entire retreat was there, as it was our collective night out. You get there early and you get some good seats where you can watch the sunset. It was one of the most beautiful sunsets that I've ever seen - it was picturesque, grandiose, majestic. Here are some pictures - just imagine there is a good breeze coming off the water and it only adds to the feeling of paradise:




















The food itself was ok and the service a bit spotty, but I guess it's difficult to serve 36 people all at once, meanwhile attend to the other guests. Something we take for granted in the U.S. I guess, but this is India, and things work differently...

After dinner we were supposed to go and see one of the staff members D.J. at a club he works at. Originally it was going to be Thursday night, then while at dinner they said it was actually THAT night. Then we ask the cab driver to take us there, he doesn't know where it is, has to ask someone else, finally figures out where to go. We show up, the gates are locked - no one there, totally silent. One of the guys comes up to the gates and says nothing is going on until Friday. Which is totally bizarre because everyone else said it was tonight. Then the D.J. himself shows up, thinking he has a gig tonight, but finds out that it's not until Friday. All of us cracked up - only in India can this kind of thing happen... :-)

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Looking Forward
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So that is what has been going on. As I mentioned earlier, my last day at Purple Valley is this Saturday, where I fly into Delhi to meet up with my contact, Arjun. I booked a new flight anyway than what I originally scheduled, as I wanted something direct and not have to change in Mumbai. Plus Katja and I can be on the same flight, and it's always nice to travel with friends...

So Delhi for 3 days, then Agra for 1, then Rishikesh (I think), then Amritsar, then home. That's the next 2 weeks of my life. I'm sure I will have many more stories to come. But for now, Namaste and Love from Goa, India :-)

Deconstruction...

Hey everyone - greetings from a balmy and warm Goa, India - just finished up my practice this morning and I'm in a mood of gratitude, given all that I've been going through lately...

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Feeling sick
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Basically, most of last week I had a nasty head cold - congestion, sinus pressure, fever, the whole nine yards. I was somehow able to function and go to practice for the majority of the week but I had a tough time. I tried to stick it out though and even started to take some Ayurvedic therapy (i.e. herbs, medicinal elixirs, etc.). I thought I was feeling better, but then Sunday I started to have a grumbling sound in my stomach. Basically, all Sunday night I sat on the toilet and just constantly went and went and went. I was totally drained by Monday morning, and I had to obviously skip practice. I decided it was time to call on the Western Doctor (the retreat center has a local doctor that they use when situations like this occur, which they frequently do for Westerners traveling in India, especially for the first time). The Doctor came directly to my room, took my vitals and measurements, etc. He diagnosed me with "Acute Bacillary Dysentery", a common bacterial infection in the digestive system. He also heard congestion in my chest and a redness in the back of my throat, so I wasn't totally over the earlier illness. He gave me a lot of pill-based medication - antibiotics, probiotics, etc. I gotta say, I am feeling MUCH better now...

But of course, this spawns hilarious conversation among me and my mates here at the retreat. Basically, for almost a week, we have talked about poop and elimination of some sort every single day (at least once, probably much more). we've made up songs about it, slogans, etc. Most of the time it focuses on my experiences, too - so I guess that makes it all the more funny! Also, my mobile phone that I bought here in India - I accidentally dropped it in the toilet, and quickly reached my hand in to pull it out. Thankfully the toilet had just been flushed so the water was clean(er), but I thought my phone was gone and would no longer work. Actually not the case, it works just fine - just a little hand sanitizer on a towel, wipe it down, you're good to go! But the phone is forever now known as the "Poop phone" :-) I use it to my advantage, threatening people with the poop phone if I don't get my way! LOL I guess you have to be here for that to be as funny as it really is, because it is, and we enjoy poop discussions... :-)

We even tried to make a pact that for one evening discussion, we would no longer talk about poop. We started then talking about quantum physics and abstract computational complexity theory - but somehow that ended back into discussing poop again. Perhaps the notion that our conscious observation of our reality eventually leads us to the ultimate truth - life is full of shit! DAMN - we did it again! Oh well...

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Mapusa Market
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ANYWAYS - we have also made a few trips to a local town called Mapusa (pronounced "Map-sah") - there is a market that sells pretty much everything, along with the basic ATMs, pharmacy shops, etc. Here are some pictures of us mulling around Mapusa:







And by the way, since the food is so fantastic, I thought I would post a quick picture of us getting in line for lunch:



So yeah - this past Monday we went to the Mapusa market to look around for some stuff - souvenirs, try some traditional Goan sweet stuff, etc. Most of the time you get shopkeepers that engage you right away, being the western tourist - I've written about this already. Almost all of it is harmless and they leave you alone when you say you are not interested, but this one case was different. An Indian woman engaged Petra and I about ourselves, who we are, where we are from, etc. I pulled the student card, and since Petra is from Slovenia, she assumed I was also from Slovenia, even though she didn't ask me directly. So I guess Petra and I were girlfriend / boyfriend, which was fine with me. She could even be my wife next time! So the Indian woman was attempting to be charming to us, engaging on surface level conversation, but I knew there was a motive to get us to go to her shop. sure enough, eventually we had to go and "just look - is free, yeah?" Right, looking is free... "Well, we'll think about it, we're going to walk around a bit and see what else is around, perhaps we'll come upon your shop later". "Ok thank you good people, you are most kind, I give you good price, you come look yeah?"...

So we walk around, looking at all the shopkeepers selling their wares, etc. Boom - the same Indian woman pops into the picture again, somehow she just came out of nowhere, asking how we were doing. "Fine thanks, still shopping around..." "Ok you stop then later at my shop ok?" "We'll see." More time passes, I realize that the woman is truly following us, for like 30 minutes too she doesn't give up. She hides behind the corner when I turn to look and see if she really is following us, and this starts to annoy me. She kept doing it, kept reappearing at our sides over and over again. UGH!!!

Fine, we'll go look at your shop. We get there, it's a small blanket perched out on the corner floor, and she is selling saris and fake jewelry - exactly the same stuff that 90% of the other shopkeepers are selling. She tries to offer us a necklace for 2,000 Rupees - 2,000!!!!! And that is a "good price". We try to ignore her and go to the other shops, looking at some spices. While talking with the spice man, she interrupts us and gets in our face, asking if we want the junk for 1,500 rupees. She bugged Katja the most, and Katja having the kind heart that she does, eventually said yes to a purchase for 300 Rupees. 2,000 vs. 300 rupees - quite a discount, I guess they really DO rip tourists off. She then came to me asking if I wanted to buy anything - I looked directly at her, and firmly but kindly said "NO, I am NOT interested in buying ANYTHING from you. Thank you." She got the hint and backed away...

But it actually turned out that I have gained some confidence in bargaining, thanks to the help from my girls. I got a decent pair of sunglasses and some cheap sandals (to wear in the shower while traveling in the north next week). I got them for about 1/3 of the original price, so I was happy...

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Deconstruction
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So why did I title this blog "Deconstruction"? It revolves around the culmination of the "purging" I've been doing from being sick as well as an intense dream that I recently had. In the dream, I was at work, only the number of people in the building was MUCH more than in reality. In reality we probably have 50 - 60 people on the project (if that), but in the dream there were HUNDREDS, maybe thousands, all crammed into that space. The cubical walls to the office in which I work (in reality) were being torn down - being deconstructed. That in itself is symbolic somehow - my walled life that I build for myself is coming down and being exposed - I am being exposed for who I am, the core of myself people are seeing in its true nature. Secondly, the large quantity of people in the dream were mostly Indian - which I think is a merge of my experiences here in India, so many people everywhere you look. The people in the dream were lining up to go to a teleconference meeting in a conference room - but the room was not physically able to hold the quantity of people. It was literally bursting at the seams, people coming out of the walls, the door unable to be closed. So I had to go and sit at my desk and watch the meeting on large teleconference monitors that were being set up. I returned to my desk and found another Indian man sitting in my chair. At the time I thought nothing of simply squeezing into the chair with him, occupying the minuscule amount of space that was left. He said "Sorry I can move" but I didn't mind and said "no that's ok" - somehow I was adapting to having less space, less personal space - again, people coming into my space, my walled life being deconstructed, torn down...

Then, prior to the meeting start, they were showing previews for movies - one of which was some random horror movie starring Brad Pitt (not sure why he was there). The movie preview had Brad Pitt showing fangs as if he was a werewolf, then he opens his mouth and the camera zooms into the darkness, sharp teeth, saliva dripping, growling horrifically. The first thing I thought of was Shiva, a God in Hindu mythology who is considered "The Destroyer" - the destroyer of falsehood, illusion, and the force that recycles the world and causes the state of constant change...

So all of this made me reflect some more - my life is being deconstructed and is in the process of purging. I got sick, my toxins (mental, physical, etc.) are being purged - my relationship with my partner is purged, even my job may be purged (or, I may purge myself from it??) And at the root of all this is fear - I am afraid for the future, I am afraid for what will happen to my life when I return from India, I am afraid that I will not be able to keep the walls that I've built together. I know people say you should let them fall, as they will anyway, regardless of whether you choose to go willingly or kicking and screaming. But something has changed within me and is changing...

Anyways, there have been some other stuff that has been going on inside my head, but I am not going to write about it as that is a little too personal. I'm going to just try and let this process happen, if I'm deconstructed, if I'm dismantled, then so be it. At the very least, I'm moving into the new space that I'm meant to reside in...

Sorry if that doesn't make sense or sounds mushy. I've been wanting to write this and get it out of my head for a few days.....

Yes, ok then. Right. Off we go to a Sirodhara treatment :-) Namaste!

Yoga Retreat continues...

Hey everyone! Been a few days since I have written a blog entry - feels like a lot has been going on on the inside, probably more so than on the outside...

Yoga practice continues - Petri is an amazing teacher with a keen sense of awareness - obviously evident by his assistance when you're practicing, but did you know that he also is an energy healer? He gave a workshop on energy healing and how to connect with another person using only your mind to assess issues both physical and emotional. He even demonstrated in front of the class and was quite accurate - this one girl was having some pain or soreness in her shoulder and a section of her lower back. While she was lying down, Petri stood near her a few centimeters, stared out into space, and started to "feel" where her energy was being blocked. He pinpointed it quite well. Anyway, I'm really enjoying my morning practices with him...

As well, I have been sick for the past few days. Actually I think I know where and when it started, so based on that observation, I feel it is related to being overheated, not having enough water, but more so, I've not had a chance to "let go" of all the shit that I've been dealing with over the past few months. Even when I was in Mumbai, I had to go go go, go see the next thing, go meet for lunch, deal with the enormity of the place, the touts, the traffic, the pollution, etc. But here in the Yoga Retreat, I finally have some period of true rest, true release and reflection time. It has been emotional, and I think my body just shut down for a few days. I had a bad head cold, blowing my nose, sneezing, coughing, all sorts of nastiness. And practicing when you feel like that just plain sucks - you can't breathe, you can't hold bandhas (especially when you're also not eliminating properly), etc. But as I write this, I think I'm much better and I'm on the fast track to feeling better :-)...

So what else - the food continues to be phenomenal! I have been eating so much at the retreat but all of it is really healthy stuff (well, 95% of it, still have some really great desserts and sweets :-) ). They even held a small cooking class, which I took photos of and posted on Facebook. I went to the nearby town of Mapusa (pronounced "Maps-ah") to check out the market and get my mobile SIM card so I can have a mobile in India and do SMS. Let me tell you, it was an adventure to get that SIM card - there is an UNBELIEVABLE amount of bureaucracy that you have to go through. They need a copy of your passport and they need a passport photo. Getting the passport copy wasn't as hard (thankfully I already brought one with me), but getting the photo? That took almost 2 hours. Basically, went up and down the entire market and plaza looking for a place that did all 3 - took the photos, copied the passport, sold the SIM card. I even found one shopkeeper that tried to convince me that Vodafone SIM Card (a mobile brand popular here in India) only worked for Indian Residents, and Foriegners had to get another brand (for which they would receive commission)...

Finally found a Vodafone store proper, but they don't have the necessary equipment to do the photos.... Ok, they say go down the street to the photo shop place but we couldn't find it! Then, after asking around, we found another photo shop - complete with enormous development machines to produce the photos, people in white lab coats, etc. Guess what - they cannot take passport photos! WTF??????????????? Go to the place upstairs in this little dirty alleyway - find a small shop that will finally do it. Wait 20 minutes - I have my passport photos. Go back to the Vodafone store, start filling out the enormous amount of paperwork, and I still don't have everything I need. The sales lady says I should call the yoga retreat place to get their address (as they need that piece of information for some reason), and I'm like "LADY I don't have a SIM Card! How can I call when I can't use my phone???" UGH - I was really frustrated that day. However, it all worked out in the end, and now I have a prepaid phone in India!

But there are so many more good parts to this trip - can I tell you that I have met the most amazing people and have developed this small group of friends with whom I hang out a lot with. Petra from Slovenia, Katja from Finland, Arttu from Finland, Sarah from the UK, and myself - we spend nearly every meal together and stay up very late laughing and chatting. I am having so much fun with them! Today we all got a taxi and headed out to Old Goa and a Tropical Spice Plantation - it was fun, I'm glad I did it, even though I have the Man Flu, as I'm told by some people here... hehe... Don't ask :-)

Ok that's enough - it's time for dinner. Pictures on Facebook ya'll :-) Namaste!