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Feeling sick
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Basically, most of last week I had a nasty head cold - congestion, sinus pressure, fever, the whole nine yards. I was somehow able to function and go to practice for the majority of the week but I had a tough time. I tried to stick it out though and even started to take some Ayurvedic therapy (i.e. herbs, medicinal elixirs, etc.). I thought I was feeling better, but then Sunday I started to have a grumbling sound in my stomach. Basically, all Sunday night I sat on the toilet and just constantly went and went and went. I was totally drained by Monday morning, and I had to obviously skip practice. I decided it was time to call on the Western Doctor (the retreat center has a local doctor that they use when situations like this occur, which they frequently do for Westerners traveling in India, especially for the first time). The Doctor came directly to my room, took my vitals and measurements, etc. He diagnosed me with "Acute Bacillary Dysentery", a common bacterial infection in the digestive system. He also heard congestion in my chest and a redness in the back of my throat, so I wasn't totally over the earlier illness. He gave me a lot of pill-based medication - antibiotics, probiotics, etc. I gotta say, I am feeling MUCH better now...
But of course, this spawns hilarious conversation among me and my mates here at the retreat. Basically, for almost a week, we have talked about poop and elimination of some sort every single day (at least once, probably much more). we've made up songs about it, slogans, etc. Most of the time it focuses on my experiences, too - so I guess that makes it all the more funny! Also, my mobile phone that I bought here in India - I accidentally dropped it in the toilet, and quickly reached my hand in to pull it out. Thankfully the toilet had just been flushed so the water was clean(er), but I thought my phone was gone and would no longer work. Actually not the case, it works just fine - just a little hand sanitizer on a towel, wipe it down, you're good to go! But the phone is forever now known as the "Poop phone" :-) I use it to my advantage, threatening people with the poop phone if I don't get my way! LOL I guess you have to be here for that to be as funny as it really is, because it is, and we enjoy poop discussions... :-)
We even tried to make a pact that for one evening discussion, we would no longer talk about poop. We started then talking about quantum physics and abstract computational complexity theory - but somehow that ended back into discussing poop again. Perhaps the notion that our conscious observation of our reality eventually leads us to the ultimate truth - life is full of shit! DAMN - we did it again! Oh well...
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Mapusa Market
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ANYWAYS - we have also made a few trips to a local town called Mapusa (pronounced "Map-sah") - there is a market that sells pretty much everything, along with the basic ATMs, pharmacy shops, etc. Here are some pictures of us mulling around Mapusa:
And by the way, since the food is so fantastic, I thought I would post a quick picture of us getting in line for lunch:
So yeah - this past Monday we went to the Mapusa market to look around for some stuff - souvenirs, try some traditional Goan sweet stuff, etc. Most of the time you get shopkeepers that engage you right away, being the western tourist - I've written about this already. Almost all of it is harmless and they leave you alone when you say you are not interested, but this one case was different. An Indian woman engaged Petra and I about ourselves, who we are, where we are from, etc. I pulled the student card, and since Petra is from Slovenia, she assumed I was also from Slovenia, even though she didn't ask me directly. So I guess Petra and I were girlfriend / boyfriend, which was fine with me. She could even be my wife next time! So the Indian woman was attempting to be charming to us, engaging on surface level conversation, but I knew there was a motive to get us to go to her shop. sure enough, eventually we had to go and "just look - is free, yeah?" Right, looking is free... "Well, we'll think about it, we're going to walk around a bit and see what else is around, perhaps we'll come upon your shop later". "Ok thank you good people, you are most kind, I give you good price, you come look yeah?"...
So we walk around, looking at all the shopkeepers selling their wares, etc. Boom - the same Indian woman pops into the picture again, somehow she just came out of nowhere, asking how we were doing. "Fine thanks, still shopping around..." "Ok you stop then later at my shop ok?" "We'll see." More time passes, I realize that the woman is truly following us, for like 30 minutes too she doesn't give up. She hides behind the corner when I turn to look and see if she really is following us, and this starts to annoy me. She kept doing it, kept reappearing at our sides over and over again. UGH!!!
Fine, we'll go look at your shop. We get there, it's a small blanket perched out on the corner floor, and she is selling saris and fake jewelry - exactly the same stuff that 90% of the other shopkeepers are selling. She tries to offer us a necklace for 2,000 Rupees - 2,000!!!!! And that is a "good price". We try to ignore her and go to the other shops, looking at some spices. While talking with the spice man, she interrupts us and gets in our face, asking if we want the junk for 1,500 rupees. She bugged Katja the most, and Katja having the kind heart that she does, eventually said yes to a purchase for 300 Rupees. 2,000 vs. 300 rupees - quite a discount, I guess they really DO rip tourists off. She then came to me asking if I wanted to buy anything - I looked directly at her, and firmly but kindly said "NO, I am NOT interested in buying ANYTHING from you. Thank you." She got the hint and backed away...
But it actually turned out that I have gained some confidence in bargaining, thanks to the help from my girls. I got a decent pair of sunglasses and some cheap sandals (to wear in the shower while traveling in the north next week). I got them for about 1/3 of the original price, so I was happy...
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Deconstruction
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So why did I title this blog "Deconstruction"? It revolves around the culmination of the "purging" I've been doing from being sick as well as an intense dream that I recently had. In the dream, I was at work, only the number of people in the building was MUCH more than in reality. In reality we probably have 50 - 60 people on the project (if that), but in the dream there were HUNDREDS, maybe thousands, all crammed into that space. The cubical walls to the office in which I work (in reality) were being torn down - being deconstructed. That in itself is symbolic somehow - my walled life that I build for myself is coming down and being exposed - I am being exposed for who I am, the core of myself people are seeing in its true nature. Secondly, the large quantity of people in the dream were mostly Indian - which I think is a merge of my experiences here in India, so many people everywhere you look. The people in the dream were lining up to go to a teleconference meeting in a conference room - but the room was not physically able to hold the quantity of people. It was literally bursting at the seams, people coming out of the walls, the door unable to be closed. So I had to go and sit at my desk and watch the meeting on large teleconference monitors that were being set up. I returned to my desk and found another Indian man sitting in my chair. At the time I thought nothing of simply squeezing into the chair with him, occupying the minuscule amount of space that was left. He said "Sorry I can move" but I didn't mind and said "no that's ok" - somehow I was adapting to having less space, less personal space - again, people coming into my space, my walled life being deconstructed, torn down...
Then, prior to the meeting start, they were showing previews for movies - one of which was some random horror movie starring Brad Pitt (not sure why he was there). The movie preview had Brad Pitt showing fangs as if he was a werewolf, then he opens his mouth and the camera zooms into the darkness, sharp teeth, saliva dripping, growling horrifically. The first thing I thought of was Shiva, a God in Hindu mythology who is considered "The Destroyer" - the destroyer of falsehood, illusion, and the force that recycles the world and causes the state of constant change...
So all of this made me reflect some more - my life is being deconstructed and is in the process of purging. I got sick, my toxins (mental, physical, etc.) are being purged - my relationship with my partner is purged, even my job may be purged (or, I may purge myself from it??) And at the root of all this is fear - I am afraid for the future, I am afraid for what will happen to my life when I return from India, I am afraid that I will not be able to keep the walls that I've built together. I know people say you should let them fall, as they will anyway, regardless of whether you choose to go willingly or kicking and screaming. But something has changed within me and is changing...
Anyways, there have been some other stuff that has been going on inside my head, but I am not going to write about it as that is a little too personal. I'm going to just try and let this process happen, if I'm deconstructed, if I'm dismantled, then so be it. At the very least, I'm moving into the new space that I'm meant to reside in...
Sorry if that doesn't make sense or sounds mushy. I've been wanting to write this and get it out of my head for a few days.....
Yes, ok then. Right. Off we go to a Sirodhara treatment :-) Namaste!
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